The "trip"

So, here we go again.  I relapsed in my self care plan.  I haven't blogged since July!  But as an Addiction Counsellor I know a lot about relapse.  There is a story I tell clients when they relapse and are trying to get back on track.  I say if you were driving from East to West across Canada and your car broke down in Manitoba would you head right back home to start your trip all over again from the beginning or would you fix your car in Manitoba and keep on driving?  I choose to keep driving forward. 

So since July a lot has changed.  I am now pregnant again and my little baby is growing into quite the big boy.  Sam is a wise older brother and the bond between these two kids has flourished.  Hal has been unemployed since October and we are facing very scary financial times.  I am mostly optimistic and hopeful but I occaisonally have a short but intense melt down.  At first I thought it was a hormonal thing but I now realize that it's an Amanda thing.  I put on such a strong front most of the time and periodically that crumbles and I just simply break down.  All my worries, stresses, and fears come pouring out in an "ugly cry" kind of mess.  Using the same analogy as above, my car not only runs out of gas and breaks down but it goes up in flames and explodes.  Hal is my Emergency Responce Worker though who comes to my rescue and pulls me out of the burning car.  He talks me through the rebuild and soon enough I'm back on the road. 

Again, I'm back on my journey of self care.  Maintenance.  Such a key component to keeping the "car" running smoothly.  That being said I hestitantly admit that I am about 2,000 clicks over due for an oil change...   I have some work to do.