Just another Monday

Sam wouldn’t eat breakfast this morning.  It’s always a nice way to start the day when you have to begin negotiating with a toddler within 30 minutes of waking up.  By the time Hal woke up and came downstairs after showering and getting dressed I had just enough time to say “morning” to him before I got my kiss and a “see ya later” from him and he was out the door.  I was grouchy.  I had been awake for an hour and a half and both kids were fed and dressed and I hadn’t even had a chance to go pee.  Everyone knows what that morning pee is like.  Yeah!   My bladder was burning and I was changing a diaper with my legs crossed.  I felt a bit better after a bathroom break and a couple toast. 

I was snappy with Sam because I think I was blaming him for not getting more than a sentence out with his Dad this morning because I was dealing with his resistance to getting ready for daycare.  But as I was putting his sandals on he wrapped his arms around me and said “I lub you tooooooooooo” in his cute little voice and I melted.  Ok, ok, ok... so I won’t take my bad mood out on you – but who?  Then I noticed Hal’s lunch sitting on the arm of the chair which he clearly forgot to take to work.  The one I packed for him while my stomach growled for breakfast and my bladder was about to rupture and my eyeballs burned with exhaustion.  Ah! My new target and he’s not even here to fight back.  In fact he’s working late tonight…and that only makes me more irritable!  I cursed him under my breath for while and then when I got a woof of my B.O. and realized I hadn’t showered since Friday (that’s 3 days in case you were wondering) then I cursed him even more.  That man takes for granted the little luxuries in life like SHOWERS!  Grrrrrr!  Then Liam grabbed my bottom lip and laughed.  I tried to stay grumpy and tell him to stop but he held on tight so all that came out was “slaaawww” and a bunch of drool. 

OK, so I stink and my morning revolves around feeding kids and changing diapers instead of sleeping in and long hot showers like the good ol’ days.  Would I change it???  NOPE!!!  So I tell myself “Suck it up Buttercup!” and load the kids in the car.  I cranked the dance music, rolled down the windows, put a smile on, and drove with my arm doing the worm in the wind.  For some reason that always makes me happy.  Hal called later in the day and I was happy to hear from him.  Little did he know that he was my emotional punching bag for the morning.  I guess that’s true partnership; being there for one another when you’re not even there.   Oh and I got a shower!  Oh happy day!

My Blogger Goals

Goal #1:  Take a little "Mommy Time"
When I was younger I used to journal all the time.  It was my way of sorting through my thoughts and taking time for myself everyday.  I enjoyed documenting my life and always wrote to my future self. 
Now I'm a busy mom and I am realizing that I no longer have that daily check-in with my thoughts anymore.  I have a million things to process in a day and a handful of human beings to think about and care for.  An awful lot of my head space goes towards thinking about my family's needs and I think I'm getting a bit left behind.  As a Mom and a Social Worker I preach about self care a lot and here I am not practicing it in my own life.  I'm finding myself working at such an incredibly fast pace that I'm just not paying attention to my body, mind and spirit and they are suffering.  I have days where I am emotional and I don't know why.  I have moments where I'm chatting away with a friend or my Mom and I say something about how I'm feeling that I didn't even know I felt until I said it.  I have days where I feel pain but I can't pinpoint exactly where it is in my body and I don't have time to figure out the cause or a remedy for it.  In fact, I think I could have a sharp object sticking out of my head and I wouldn't even notice until someone told me it was there.  I smile almost every minute when I am with my kids and they truly make me happy.  But the second they are occupied or asleep I begin walking around like the living dead.  They get "full power" and i get "phantom power."  I think many moms can relate to this (and some dads too).  We are often very devoted and we are proud to give our kids all that we have.  But I think I need to find room for myself in my life!  So I'm going to try to take some time to blog.  This is My thing and MY time.  I hope it gives me a chance to express myself, reflect on my thoughts and experiences, and take a "time out" from all my other responsibilities in a day.

Goal #2:  Share my "mom stories"
Most of my blog posts will be about my experiences as a mom and a wife because I have found that in the recent years I don't have much else to talk about.  But that's ok because my "mom stories" are pretty darn funny and my life is pretty darn entertaining all on it's own.  I try so hard to document my children's growth so that one day they can look back on it and learn about how they grew and changed.  The majority of our family and friends also live far away so it's my way of sharing with them all of the milestones we make as a family.  I take tones of photos, make home videos, write in their journals, collect memorabilia from their childhood, keep growth charts and so on.  These stories and pictures get posted on Facebook and emailed around the word most of the time so why not blog about it too.  I want to talk openly about my experiences as a mom.  Every day I continue to learn and grow as a parent.  I think parenting is so challenging because you really just learn as you go and as soon as you think you've figured it all out your kid changes some more and there is just something new to learn in the next moment.  It never ends and I feel like I'm always just trying to keep up with their ever-changing, ever-growing lives.  Some days are awesome and other days I am about to go insane but I'm not ashamed to say that at times I'm frustrated and having a difficult time.  I don't want to put on the "supermom" mask in this blog.  I want to share my stories exactly how they are - the good and the bad.             Plus I'm looking for sympathy and praise... ; )